The Duke Does Not Abide

Greetings all!

So, for anyone who read my last blog, you would have heard that I was planning to buy Duke Nukem Forever, play it to completion and review it. Unfortunately, approximately halfway through somewhere near the third level, the game crashed and refused to work again. I even tried going back to the previous level and playing through until that point. It still crashed in the same place every time.

Not that I'm lazy or anything, but I gave up on it. To be completely honest, even though I didn't get to play the entire game, Duke Nukem seemed like one of those video games that takes so long to come out and has so much hype surrounding it that when it is finally released to the general public, it falls short of its goal due to unreasonable expectations created by the game companies and accepted and held by the gaming community. Don't get me wrong, I think Duke Nukem Forever is a fun title and would have been fantastic... if it weren't fifteen years in the making and had actually been released when it was supposed to have been.

Regardless, I hope this kind of thing doesn't happen with Diablo 3. I am actually very much looking forward to this up coming title and it has been such a long amount of time since it was announced that if the game wasn't up to par, I would seriously consider some sort of murder suicide deal with the game (Something along the lines of burning the discs then necking myself).

I've been waiting far too long for this game to be released and I'll be damned if Blizzard spent all this time bragging just to end up creating one big jerk circle for something that ultimately, isn't that satisfying. My point is, I'm very excited for Diablo 3's release and I'm sure it will be a fantastic game; I'll just be overly disappointed if it doesn't deliver what it boasts.

Anyway, to be completely honest, I believe that if you are really desperate just to see what Duke Nukem Forever is like, I suggest you download the game via torrent. Even the first couple of levels, as fun as they were at first, really didn't show much promise for the rest of the game; at least not for $79.99.

Regards,

Jay.

Rage Comics

Greetings all! It's been a while since I've posted anything so I thought I would re-enter the world of blogging by uploading a couple of rage comics I've created. Just in case, I'll go ahead right now and acknowledge that I did not create the actual faces used in these comics but they are parodied scenarios taken from my own life.

Enjoy!

Shaving Rage:

Eftpos Rage:

Shower Drip:

I hope you all got a good laugh out of those and maybe some of you could even relate to those situations.

In other news, I've just downloaded Duke Nukem Forever through Steam and I intend to start playing it in the next couple of days. So hopefully, some time soon, I'll finish the campaign and be able to publish a review of it for everyone to read.

Regards,

Jay.

Portal 2 Review

Greetings!

So, I bought Portal 2 over Steam the other day and though I was quite excited about giving it a look-see, I wasn't really sure what to expect from it.

To be completely honest, I've been incredibly satisfied with the quality of games that Valve has churned out over the years. In my eyes, they have never had a failed title.

This was until I booted up the latest Valve release and set foot back inside Aperture Science's testing facilities... And of course I'm joking.

Portal 2 has proved to be a fantastic game. It's just as good as, no; better than the first game. To save awkward transitions into each section of this review, I'm just going split it up into subtitles.

Story (Spoiler Alert)

To be entirely honest, as entertaining as Portal was, it didn't have much substance in the way of plot. It was brilliantly written and there was plenty of sarcasm and dry humour on the part of the homicidal GlaDOS but the story never actually got beyond the whole "you are a genetically/mechanically modified human being put through a series of tests to determine the effectiveness of the Aperture Science Portal Device" thing.

As far as Portal 2 is concerned, Valve certainly took the storyline a lot further. They expanded the plot from just "Protagonist versus Antagonist" to "Protagonist and sidekick versus Antagonist, after which the sidekick becomes the antagonist and the antagonist becomes the sidekick and then for a brief moment at the end we're lead to believe the once antagonist turned sidekick has become the antagonist once more but then resolves her internal conflict and sends the Protagonist upwards to freedom". In short, the story exhibits far more rich substance and the ending of this game was certainly more epic than the first. As confusing as it may sound - and that is due partly to my method of describing it; apologies - the addition of Wheatley (voiced by Steve Merchant) only served to enhance the plot and the game play by a rather large percentage.

(That was a little bit long winded but it was the only way I could think to describe the strange twists and turns involved in the game's plot)

Game Play

If Portal 1 and 2 have anything in common, it is this; the style of game play is simply fantastic. I honestly don't think they could have made the game play any better in terms of the physics of the game or the graphic design. Not a lot changed in terms of the way the game runs but there have been quite a few new additions to the level design which I suppose could be described as game play enhancements.

Game Design

The level design in Portal 2 was nothing short of genius. Valve seemed to have incorporated the knowledge that it has been a few years since the last game and as a result, everything has that "grown over" look to it. Various fauna and flora have made their way into the deepest recesses of the Aperture Science Testing Labs and the design team even added in something we had never seen before; the different stages of Aperture Science's progress and an insight into its origins and even the origins of GlaDOS. These new levels expand the experience far beyond the simple 'room-by-room' process of the first game and include a multitude of never before seen devices to enhance the testing experience and help the player reach the next challenge.

Multiplayer

This is certainly a selection I could never have foreseen this style of game including it its menus. This adds yet another layer in the absolutely beautiful work of art that is Portal 2. There's only one thing I could ever see as a 'con' in this game series and that is that it always left me wanting more. So much so, that I even went to the trouble of purchasing Portal to get my problem solving fix before the sequel was released. Needless to say, Valve have succeeded again; greatly, I might add. I dipped my toe into the multiplayer pool today, pairing up with a complete stranger and overcoming challenge after challenge. The servers are also quite stable. I've never experienced such a small amount of latency in my entire gaming career. Which, to be honest, would be a massive selling point of this aspect of the game. Normally, when you experience lag in an online multiplayer game, it can be quite frustrating. But to see it in a game that requires you to be accurate, timely and thoughtful towards your partner, would completely diminish the entire point of the game. Good on you, Valve!

Summary

Overall, Portal 2 was a magnificent game, filled with sleek, shiny surfaces, rich, fulfilling plot twists and fascinating and addictive game play. I would definitely recommend this game to any fans of the first, and even to new comers (Although I do suggest you play Portal before Portal 2 to make sure you are privy to the complete experience).

I give this game 10/10.

Regards,

Jay.

Stupid People + Troll = Hilarity Ensues

Greetings!

So, I've recently been checking out some of the forums on Brismetal.com (Maybe some of you know it if you're into that scene).

Anyway, an acquaintance of mine - I won't mention who - had previously posted a new thread on the website calling out to any metal/heavy rock bands who maybe have an interest in getting someone to do free promotion or band artwork for them.

The kicker; Brismetal is full of wannabe trolls and said acquaintance literally invited them out from under their tacky, cardboard bridges.

I have, as of tonight, invited myself to a sumptuous helping of troll pie by unleashing my own troll face from behind my seemingly normal mask of humanity and getting indirectly involved in the conversation that has followed my acquaintance's new thread on the website.

There is one particularly stupid troll-in-training who thinks he has the gall to chase newcomers away. However, there is one element he did not account for; the gamer troll.

There is no single other entity on this planet that can troll as hard as the gamer troll can. And there is only one reason for this; we deal with trolls every... single... day.

This little speck on the back of the dirt clod that is blatant stupidity, thinks he can play with the big boys. I don't mean to sound cocky in all of this, but I cannot stress this enough; I've dealt with these types of people many-a-time before. They'll always try to be the troll. No matter what argument you make, no matter what logic you present, they simply will not listen to reason and will do their absolute best to turn everything into a personal attack.

This is where the tables turn;

You troll them back... HARD.

And this is where the conversation tends to get particularly interesting. It's almost as if the two participants switch roles. You become the troll and they try their hardest to take the moral - and logical - high ground, usually failing miserably. Once again, a spanner is thrown in the works of their best poorly laid plans; I'm always a far better troll than they are. This particular trait has developed within me from spending months, nay; years around other people who troll each other almost every moment of the day. Frankly, it's become somewhat of a reflex action.

*Sees an associate being harassed* *TROLL MODE ENGAGE*

I swear on my life, sometimes, I just cannot control my urges to troll stupid people.

The best part of all of this is of course the end result. There are usually two outcomes from these situations. Either a) They get sick of being trolled and leave the conversation - OR - b) You get bored, the mask goes back on and you're on your merry troll way, moving on with life.

In summary; Stupid People + Troll = Hilarity Ensues.

Jay.

Free Riot Points!

Greetings all,

So it seems Riot is actually taking some responsibility for the server queues I'm sure we've all been experiencing over the past couple of days.

They claim to be attempting to resolve the issue as we speak and plan to award every player on their European and North American servers with 350 Riot points in order to compensate for their shortcomings.

While 350 free Riot points and a profuse apology letter is nice, I'd rather see them bring out some new maps as not only a reward for being patient with them, but for our patience ever since The Twisted Treeline map was released. I mean, come on guys! How many times has someone posted about this on the forums only to have their thread eventually closed down with no response from anyone at Riot?

I get it, you guys are busy maintaining the servers and balancing champions. But here's my two cents:

Riot, I beg you; MAKE SOME NEW MAPS. We have enough champions. We are at champion bursting point. I hardly think that any of us loyal players will have a nervous breakdown if you don't release any new champions for a while.

Anyway, I doubt they'll even read this but I'd be thrilled if this somehow got forwarded onto the Riot team. *Wink* and a *Nudge* for good measure.

Jay.

SUCCESS! SWEET REVITALISING SUCCESS!

Fantastic news, boys and girls!

I've finally been able to resolve the issue of Facebook refusing to link to my Blogger feed.

As a side note, stupid useless Facebook needs to sort its stupid useless Notes application out before I hunt down Mark Zuckerberg, peel his eyelids off with a pair of rusty pliers, remove his eyes with a melon scoop and skull-fuck him into submission.

(P.S. Another side note; apparently spell checker doesn't like the name "Zuckerberg". It's suggested corrections?

- Cocksucker

- Knickerbocker

- Cerberus

- Drakensburg

...in that order.)

Jay.

League of Legends: OVER 9000!

Greetings all!

So I was scrolling through various Facebook posts this morning and I stumbled across a friend's link to a blog site where people can upload demotivationals or entertaining little comic strips, most of which make very little sense. I came across this image:

At first, I had a bit of a giggle but figured that it would have been fake. (You know, someone had the queue screen up and devised a "Lol-worthy" idea to edit their number in the line to imitate the Dragon Ball Z-based internet sensation).

Then I tried to log into League of Legends and saw this:

If the image is too small for you to see, you can click it to view an enlarged copy.

Anyway, regardless of any freakish coincidence, I was also quite annoyed upon seeing this. I was looking forward to playing a couple of matches.

To move slightly off topic; I think this calls for Riot Games to get their gear in order, maybe expand and open up more/larger servers. Maybe something like what Blizzard does with all their separate World of Warcraft Servers.

Thoughts?

Jay.

"One of Those Days"

Click Image to Enlarge

Hey all!

Have you ever had one of those days where everything seems just perfect? The sky is blue, the grass is green and life is simply grand...

... Until; BAM! Everything is turned to molten shit by one tiny event.

Okay, so this comic strip may have exaggerated the "tiny" part a bit.

Here it is! The second edition of Buckshot Mouthwash; not for the faint-hearted.

More to come soon!

Enjoy!

Jay.

Buckshot Mouthwash - Début Comic Strip! "Politics"

Click Image to Enlarge

Greetings all!

Welcome to the Buckshot Mouthwash web comic! I am very proud to announce what will be the first of many comic strips.

I hope you enjoy the first edition of our web comic and I ensure you, there will be many more to come!

Regards,

Jay Brohier.